I think I did something very wrong in my previous life during this time. That explains why my life is like that recently.

Read self improvement books and reflected on my past actions in order to be a better person.
Conclusion: 好人难做

As a saying goes, "A person's junk may be another's treasure."

Good in a person's context may be the opposite in the other. Different people have different perceptions of "good" so one can never be good in two perceptions. And define a good person. I believe none would be absolute. Ask 10 people and you shall get 10 different definitions.

One such self improvement book taught me to be like the water. Remain still and neutral to all circumstances. Fair and unbiased. I thought I could be a good person by being neutral. But then...

How to be a good friend then?
Give encouragement? I may be encouraging the wrong things.
Give support? I may be harming the person then.
Don't give support? We may not even be friends then.
Remain neutral to all circumstances? What a boring friend uh.

How to be a good boyfriend then?
Pamper your partner? She may get too pampered in the end.
Be all listening and obliged to you partner? She may take you for granted then.
Be caring to your partner? She may find you irritating.
Be a gentleman? She might find you are overdoing it./ Not appreciate it.
Remain neutral to all circumstances? She'll get a new boyfriend.

How to be a good son?
Be filial? Define filial damn it.
Give in to your parents even if they are in the wrong. Damn, I have my pride and principles too.
I discard my pride and principles and gave in. Fuck they don't give a damn.
Remain neutral to all circumstances? Let's be strangers.

Summing it up, I've failed to be a good friend, a good boyfriend in the past, and a good son since always.

I want to be a boring friend, die single and visit an orphanage soon.


Cheers to a better life ahead.